I think someone I know has been sexually assaulted
If you think someone you know has been sexually assaulted, there are lots of ways in which you can help them.
If you think someone you know has been sexually assaulted, there are lots of ways in which you can help them.
If someone has been sexually assaulted their reactions can vary; they may be afraid, angry or have no outward reaction at all. They might even act in ways that seem unusual to you, even laughing at seemingly inappropriate times.
Disclosures can come in many forms; it could be something said jokingly, a story that someone starts to tell then stops and says it doesn't matter, or it could be a question. You are not expected to be a professional counsellor; however how someone responds to a first disclosure can be really important. It can take time for a person to decide what they want to do and how they want to move forward.
Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The most important thing is to respond in a way that maximises their choice and control over what happens next. You can simply ask them what they need or want. They might not make the same decision you would; however, only they can decide what is best for them. You can help them explore options, but avoid telling them what they should do.
Think
Are they in immediate danger? If they are in immediate danger or seriously injured, you can call 999 (or 112 from a mobile).
Find a safe space. If an incident has just happened try and find somewhere they feel safe. If this isn't possible and they are scared or fearful you can call Security on 0121 331 6969 when on campus.
We offer a support article on ‘What is sexual assault?’ that you may find useful.
Listen
Just taking the time to listen to someone and talk about what has happened can help. These six active listening tips might help you support them.
Give options
When they have finished talking ask them if they are okay to talk through some possible options and next steps. Remember, it is important that they decide what they want to do.
- The University Mental Health & Wellbeing Team has trained student advisors on site Monday to Friday. You can contact the team by calling 0121 331 5188.
- If you are staff member, you may wish to contact one of the dignity at work advisors to talk through options and get some advice.
- Victim Support offer free and confidential advice and support
- Independent Sexual Violence Advisors (ISVAs): ISVAs are trained to look after the needs of a survivor of rape or sexual violence to ensure they receive the best possible care and understanding. Contact them and ask to speak to an advisor in confidence. ISVAs are there to provide information to ensure an individual can make a decision that is right for them. ISVAs are available to support you at the Rape & Sexual Violence Project.
Report
Report and Support. Students and staff can report an incident using the University’s Report and Support system. You can choose to do this anonymously or you can request support from an advisor. If you choose to talk to an advisor they will be able to talk through the options and support available to you, in confidence. You can report an incident no matter where it took place.
Reporting to the police. If you're thinking of reporting to the police, Rape Crisis have produced a useful list of things to think about.
Reporting the incident anonymously. You can call crime stoppers at any point on 0800 555 111 or use their online form.
Student Governance (students) or HR (staff members). If you choose to make a formal complaint to the University about a student or member of staff there are procedures which set out the steps you'll need to follow.
- For students: Student Complaints Procedure
- For staff: Grievance Policy
Serious Sexual Assault. If a student or member of staff wishes to make a complaint involving a serious sexual assault they can contact the Assistant Director Student Governance, Mental Health & Wellbeing or the Director of Human Resources directly.
Remember
- They might not want to report the assault to the police or the University. There are a lot of reasons why someone may choose not to report sexual violence.
- In most cases of sexual assault, the offender is known to the victim.
- They might be concerned that people won’t believe them or may not identify what occurred as a sexual assault
- They may be concerned who else might be informed.
- They may have fear of or confusion about the criminal justice system or what happens if you report it to the University.
- If drugs or alcohol were involved, they may choose not to report because they are worried they will get in trouble as well.
- It is up to them to decide what they want to disclose and to whom. Your support can help them talk through their concerns.
- Let them know that you believe them and support their decisions.
- Remind them that no one, regardless of relationship or status, has the right to hurt them and that no matter what, it is not their fault that this occurred.
- Connect them with resources that can help them understand what happens if you report to the police and or the University.
Things to avoid
- Just saying "it’s not your fault" (without listening to the survivor's story)
- Using key ‘catch phrases’ or common sayings – e.g. “it will all be better with time"
- Probing for details. Let them tell you what has happened in their own time
- Blaming them – e.g. “what were you wearing?” and “were you drinking?” or “did you text him to come over?”
- Showing disgust or shock
- Smirking and showing obvious disbelief
- "Why didn’t you say straight away? Why are you only coming forward now?"
- Trivialising the experience – “it was only a bit of fumbling”
Get Support
- Staff members can contact the BCU Employee Assistance Programme
- Students can contact the Mental Health & Wellbeing team. Support is available to all students from wellbeing advisors, mental health advisors and counsellors.
- Call the Samaritans Helpline on 116 123 (open 24/7, 365 days a year)
- Togetherall is a free online support service that can be accessed using your university email address. There are self help resources and courses, along with 24/7 access to peer and professional support.
- Take care of yourself. It’s important that you take care of yourself. If you’ve heard something distressing or if something is troubling you, seek help and support from one of the above services.
- Look at the NHS guidance on 5 steps to positive mental wellbeing.
- Access some self-help resources available on iCity.
If you are worried or concerned about someone else, find out more about how you can help them.